Step 4...

Today I took another huge step. I gathered up all I had in me, and I finally filed for divorce. This is only the first step in what will be a long process, and there were lots of bumps to get to this road. But I finally started walking down that path and can't wait to start running down it!
I feel relieved and I also feel sad. I knew this was coming, it had to be done, and I wanted it done. But that sense of finalization comes rearing its ugly head. The unwanted emotions from before come back and settle in. That sense of failure comes back and the knowledge that I will no longer be a Mrs., but I will be known as a Ms. I don't get to go back to Miss. I feel like there will be a 'scarlet letter' before my name. I feel marked.
I just have to constantly remind myself...though he may get to continue to be a Mr. and no one is the wiser. He won't be 'marked' for what he did (though I think it should be tattooed on his forehead). I will try and remember that I earned my 'mark', I earned Ms.
I just hope the rest of this process is quick and painless.