Mini Meltdown

I have heard about "how strong I am" for leaving a certain situation. Hearing that just makes me feel like a fraud. I may give off the facade of being brave, it's really just a brave face. It's a mask, because shortly after I am the one crying behind closed doors. All so that no one knows how I am really coping. I do the best that I can, but sometimes I feel like it's not good enough. I feel my role as the eldest, as the example, as the "role model" was botched.

I am about to turn 30 very soon, too soon. I am not dealing with that very well at all. This is not where I wanted to be in my life when I hit that milestone. I keep trying to tell myself this is the point, this is when things will really turn around and I can gain my life back. The way I wanted it. I am thankful for all that I do have, don't think me wrong on that point. But there are just days when all that has happened overwhelms and envelopes me...thankfully they are less frequent. Most days I am okay, others I just fake it 'til I am okay. I can't wait until such a time comes, and they are just ghosts of my past.