Southern Funny 3

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

That's my dog

I was on a walk with Toby, like we do every night, rain or shine...and I will be the first to admit, I am not one of those people that walk behind him with a little baggie to pick up his 'business'. But in my defense, he tends to do his number 2's in the woods, or a grassy area, not directly in someones yard. Course, I am still paranoid about it, and whenever I see someone, watching him do his number 2's, I say what a "good girl!" he is for anyone to hear. Michael laughs at me and tells me no one will fall for that, I say why not, they can't tell from that far away if he is a lil girl dog taking a wee-wee or a dirty boy taking a dump...Anyways, tonight, Toby got clever and it made me laugh. Tonight, he stopped at one of his usual mailboxes, and lifts his leg, so I pause in my walking...I am waiting, and it's taking longer then usual, so I look over to see what's taking so long, only to see something come out of his back end..?? I look closer, and there's my dog, doing a number 2, while standing with his leg up like he is taking a number 1. I couldn't help but laugh, am I rubbing off on my dog? hehehe

Fay arrived

Tropical Storm Fay let her presence be known yesterday. After being blamed for several deaths further south, the remnants of the storm came to our neck of the woods yesterday, and she packed a heck of alot of rain. Most of Wednesday it stormed, and we had a bit of a scare with a tornado watch (the pets and I spent a little time in the closet under the stairs, since we have no basement and the weather people told us to take cover NOW! They said with all the rain, we wouldn't hear it coming til it was too late). Luckily we didn't have a tornado here, but last night she really let loose with the rain. I made the mistake (I say mistake, because it freaked me out a bit) of looking out the window...squinting, with only the street light to see, I saw what looked like a river coming out of the woods, and through our yard. They warned us about flash flooding, and they weren't kidding. About 6 inches deep and 10 feet or more across, was the worst one out there, there were of course several other streams going every which way. I wasn't sure if my car would still be there in the morning, as there was white cresting water barreling into all our vehicles.

I took the liberty (between the torrential rain, and "house shaking" thunder) of taking the dog out late last night so he could take a wee-wee, and I could scope things out...good thing I did, because, I just so happened to look over and see debris and water trying to come out from under the door to our crawlspace. I continued to open said door and let the debris out...to let the water, which was gushing out from under our house, have a easier time of it. Needless to say, I didn't sleep too well last night. Between the worry, and the lightning lighting up the house.

Waking up this morning, was weird. Just like yesterday, the windows are still steamed up, its almost tropical outside, from the storm. The skies are still gray, and there is an eerie calm outside. I went out and I heard no birds, no bugs, no squirrels fighting for nuts...just the sound of chainsaws (there was a tree across the road). I got a good look, and well, we were lucky. Parts of our driveway are pretty much gone (so is all our bark mulch), the water washed it all into the woods, but our cars are alive. There is mess to clean up, but our house is still here, and everyone is safe.

I think the only thing that kept the railroad ties from going any further, was Mike's Jeep was in the way.

All the stuff that came out with the water from under the house.

That's all the gravel, that is suppose to be our driveway, looks like we have a sidewalk going through the woods now! That's the best way I can describe it... All the leaves and brush were also taken out of the woods, I don't know where it went. There was also a black tube that must of been buried under the ground, it's now exposed, and I don't quite know what it goes to.

Toby being the 'model' hehe...as you can see, the new "sidewalk" to your left and the strip of wooded area and then the driveway on the right. Something is wrong with this picture? There was no sidewalk when we moved in!

I guess we will be spending the weekend fixing the driveway, trying to get everything as even as possible so that we won't get stuck. I couldn't get over how much was moved, and how much of the wooded area was just washed right out.

Those few pieces of gravel were all that were holding up most of my car this morning!! Everything else was washed right out from underneath it!

Autumn

Mike and I were talking last night, and we both agree, we can't wait until autumn arrives!!!! I don't quite know when the cooler weather will set in down here, since we have only been here since February. The summer actually isn't any hotter then it would be in NH, which surprised us a little, but it was a nice surprise, since I am not one that likes the heat. We do admit though, it is a great luxury to have central air, and we have grown very accustom to it!

But just thinking about the colder weather and being able to wear warmer clothes again, gets us all a tizzy :-) Makes us feel more at home, snuggled in a sweatshirt or fleecy, outdoors, and the cool air on your cheeks!! That smell of the brisk outdoors, I freakin' love it!!! I will have a hard time staying indoors! We plan on getting alot more yard work done then too, less bugs and critters. Maybe get in a camping trip.

I know it won't be too long from now, we are already seeing some leaves change, and the squirrels are gorging themselves on the hickory nuts from our tree. (Our backyard looks like a nut massacre!!!)

One thing I will miss is being in NH...that is my favorite place to be, in my favorite times of the year (autumn, and Christmas time)...We will have to see what it's like down south in the fall, can't wait!

Not a fun weekend.

Mike's first weekend off, in quite awhile, was a bust. I have been sick all weekend, sore throat and the works. Michael spent most of the weekend exhausted. He worked all night on Friday, didn't get home until 4 am on Saturday (a 21 hour day, holy cow!) Although, we did get the lawn mowed and the trash to the dump, and I put another 2 coats of paint out on the balcony. I don't feel like we got much done. We spent the rest of our time lounging around the house. Which was probably warranted, but still. Alright, I will stop griping! Hopefully next weekend will be better.

What a day...

Today was not like any other day. Today was....well, special. Started out with a job interview for medical record keeping. Simple enough, get all dressed nice and head down to the place. So I did, only to find out that they will soon be adding on a new job to that job, and I don't exactly qualify for it, because I don't know all of my medicine yet. Fine, fare enough, nice to meet you, thanks for your time, a lil peeved they didn't tell me this beforehand, but I move on. I rush home, because I left the dog alone in the house. Trying to be smart (because in the past Toby has had some problems with holding it in til someone gets home) I did what my husband suggested...blocked off the rest of the house with chairs so that the dog is confined to the kitchen, less chance of him going potty, and if he does, easy clean up flooring.
Yah right, I arrive home, no more then an hour from when I left to find the kitchen empty...no dog...crap!! I call him, and I hear the jingle of his collar far off into the house. I don't know where he was but he comes running, and slips back into the kitchen. (the chairs were no problem for him) While he is busy bouncing around because he is excited I didn't abandon him for all eternity, I quickly run the house to make sure he didn't "leave his mark" anywhere. To my amazement, everything looked good. So I rush him outside, still bouncing like a mexican jumpin' bean, I try and calm him down and have him sit, bad idea, he is so excited he pees on my shoe and pant leg while sitting, Ahh!! So I leave him outside, in the fenced in yard, while I rush in to rinse myself off.
Now most of the time, he will just sit outside the back door, waiting to be let in. So I expected the same this time. I don't know why...I finish cleaning off, and open the door to let him in, only to find him not there....I look over, and he is on the other side of the fence, taking a whizz, happy as can be (lil bugger musta slipped thru the small gap on the deck)....I open the gate, and politely tell him to get his butt over here, he runs right in, and into the house...All I could do was laugh, he hadn't run away (though he slipped through the railing on the deck) or gone potty in the house (after too easily slipping through the chairs)...but geeze Toby, keepin' me on my toes aren't you. Needless to say, we will be purchasing some gates, and fixin' that gap on the deck :-)

Sexual Harassment In The Workplace.

This was just too amusing not to share. Mike works as an Account Manager, overseeing the employees that clean a nursing and rehabilitation center, and he has been continuously sexually harassed at work. All by little old ladies!!! hehehe....First time was a lil ol woman who commented on his "nice butt!", Mike didn't know what else to do but say thank you, and asked her to try and not comment on it again. Then another one went and asked the receptionist about his "status". Got a good laugh outta that one. Last but not least, another lil ol' lady just went right up to him and grabbed his rear end!! Which he politely asked her not to do ever again.
My goodness, I didn't know I would have to be fending off lil ol' women!!! hehehehe

Sad day

Sad to say that Auntie Liz flew back to NH yesterday. I'm bummed, miss her already!! Had a great visit while she was here though. Lots of fun was had!! :-)

Some random pics

Some photos I took of flowers in my mom's flower pots.

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This would be everyone helping build Beepa's new carport!! The original wasn't very well constructed, and had alot of termite damage.

So everyone helped build a new place to house Mariah (Beepa's car).

The Tale of Two Toby's

And this would be the two Toby's! Toby (1) on the left, everyone knows has been a member of the family for Years, and Toby (2) Mike and I adopted about a month ago, and that was the name he came with. You can imagine when they are together it can get confusing at times for them, when you yell Toby, and they both come running, hehe. This was the extent of their help while we built, they tried to keep out from everyones toes, like good doggies. :-) Abby wouldn't stay still long enough to be in the picture, she was too busy running from door to door to see what Becky, Beepa's kitten, was up too inside.

Copperhead

Day 3 of Auntie Liz's visit, at my parents house: After we all arrive back from the Farmer's Market in Greensboro. All of us girls go out on the deck, to relax and create jewelery. Auntie Liz lugged several pounds of beads with her all the way from NH, so we thought we better make the most of this opportunity. :-) We are all picking out what we like best and begin creating away, when Beepa decides its time she went allll the way to her house, just a hop skip and a jump away...to start some deviled eggs. We bid her farewell and about a minute later we hear a faint little voice "Psssttt...I see the snake."

"What!!??" we yell.

"I see the snake." she whispers again and is pointing down at the garden.

We all drop what we are doing, run the dogs in the house, grab cameras and book it over there! Dad of course was the first to arrive on the scene, and the snake got away, was just able to squeeze back under the patio area. But dad was on a mission and wasn't going to let the snake get away again, as he did once before. So boards start flying back up and the water hose and rakes come back out. Spent quite awhile trying to "drown" the snake out.

When that wasn't working it was decided that more boards had to be pulled up...
Eventually the snake showed itself and it was caught. He wasn't too pleased with us. And we weren't too pleased with having to catch him. But with everyone and the animals...a poisoness, stubborn snake...just don't mix well, its one of those unfortunate things. Hopefully there won't be anymore, two is enough if you ask me. This one was later "released" back into the woods, in a manner of speaking. It was very pretty though.

Auntie's Liz's Visit!

Well, Thursday my Auntie Liz arrived safely for her 6 day visit!! So freakin' excited she is here! We had a big sleep over at our house, Mom, Beepa, Auntie Liz, Cortney, and the dogs. :-) Spent most of the day at the South Point mall, didn't even get to see half of it, cuz they were spending so much time shopping in Sears and Macy's of all places, hehe. However Friday was much more fun, we went to the Museum of Life and Science in Durham. We went and saw the butterfly pavilion, and saw them release new tropical butterflies!! It's this HUGE greenhouse full of tropical plants, birds and butterflies. We also saw other stuff like bears and creepy crawly insects, didn't get a chance to see all there was their either, we were on a time crunch. It was so much fun though, even had some of the butterflies land right on us! Unfortunately, with all the rushing around before we left the house, I forgot my camera!!! I was not too pleased with myself. I will just have to go again with Michael some time, so he can see and I can take pictures. (Mike had to work, he has been working alot lately.) We really enjoyed the museum, so many things to look at and discover. I will be spending the weekend at my parents, and we will be going here and there and doing more exploring!

I sneaked some pictures that Auntie Liz was able to take, cuz unlike me, she remembered to bring her camera :-)Ahhh, tarantula!! And yah, that would be mom, trying to "pet" the lil guy through the glass. :-)

This Owl butterfly took turns landing on all of us, hitchin' a ride throughout the greenhouse.

We were too busy lookin' at these Huge spiders hanging from the ceiling to realize...but soon I discovered, there was NO GLASS separating us from them!! Freaked us all out. To quote Cortney, "That was a total Harry Potter moment!" Same kinda incident that happened in Harry Potter, only this was a spider, not a snake, hehe.

I don't even remember what these are called...but I instantly recognized them, from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"! When Willie first left her room and went into the temple, with all the bugs...she eventually gets a light, and turns her hand over, to discover this lil guy in the palm of her hand!!! eek! (Yes, I watch too much Indiana Jones)

Southern Funny 2

Redneck Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?", said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we all went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes..."

Who's the boss?

Mike's now the boss, at his new facility that is! Yesterday was his first day on the job, he already fired someone and has two interviews for new employees today. Mike now has his own office!! Which needs some desperate TLC, and organization...which I was there last night to assist with. After clearing out the junk, painting, and getting some nice pics up, it will be much more cozy. :-)

Another Visitor

So freakin' excited, my one and only, Auntie Liz comes to visit in exactly a week!!!! Can't wait!! Yipee!

Goober

Toby has really come out of his shell, we now know he knows how to bark, which he rarely does. He still follows me everywhere, but is getting better. Mike, our resident handyman, is currently making adjustments so that Toby can roam in the fenced in yard leash free! He has finally mastered "sit" and "off". He is just about housebroken...still working on "playing fetch" outside. And my gosh, does he go crazy for his toy turkey!!! :-)
He's a goober. :-)

Birthday!

Today is my b-day!!! :-)

Movin' on up!

Mike will be going on to his last week of training next week. Training to be Account Manager for Healthcare Services was suppose to be 3 months long, but my hubby is so super at it and smart as a whip they will be giving him his own facility on August 11th! He was only in training for a little over a month. So proud of him, and he is so happy, and we are so happy for him!!!