Oh My

Funny story...I've been having to drive my little sisters car back and forth to the local tire guy so she can get some tires replaced. Been there twice now and will be back a third time later this week.
I've been to this place before to get a tractor tire, that first time I referred to it as a "redneck nest". It's full of a few filthy guys that hang out and shoot the sh*t. They know their stuff, they know tires, but, well, their hygiene could be better. Though they are very polite.
However, when I went to get the car today...I had one of them say to me, as I get into the car "Hey..I like your sticker you got on there!" and gave me a wink. He of course (having only seen me drive that car) thinks its my car, and my bumper sticker...it took me a minute to realize what he was referencing to. Then it hit me, the bumper sticker on the back of the car that says "Hike Naked, it adds color to your cheeks." I couldn't of gotten outta that parking lot fast enough.

Valentine's

Now, I know Valentine's Day isn't all about flowers or jewelry. People go on and on about how commercialized it is. I have to agree, but only to a degree. Sometimes people need a reminder, to tell others how much they care. Even if it's just saying it.
In the almost 30 years I have been around however, I can't recall ever getting roses for v-day. And I was super happy to get 'em this year! They will be dead and gone in a week or so...but I was a giddy-idiot when I got my flowers (18, long stem roses), and v-day goodies! Love them! ♥ And thank you to my Valentine!

♥ Happy Valentine's Day! ♥

Step 1...

Step #1...A happier me! What would really make me happy that I can immediately work on? Feeling better about being me....So this week, in four days I managed to use the elliptical/bike and sweated out 30+ miles! Gonna try and keep this up 5 days a week...giving my already angry knee two days rest on the weekends. ☺

Superbowl XLV

Well yet another Superbowl has whizzed on by. Since the Patriots weren't in it...I was rooting for the Green Bay Packers, was happy to see they won. I wasn't exuberantly rooting for either team, I was more interested in the commercials. The Superbowl is the ONLY time I look forward to those. Was kinda disappointed this year with 'em. But this was my favorite!



Hopin' the Pats make it to the Superbowl next year!!

Starting Traditions

When my cousin Victoria was doing all her wedding planning she got herself this "wedding fund" jar. Then when I got engaged shortly after she was married, she handed it on down to me. I held on to it and decided I would pass it on to whomever was next to get engaged to be married. So once Kathy became engaged I decided it was time to get it out of my closet have it stop collecting dust.

In turn Kathy eventually wants to pass it on and continue to keep it in the family...
(Victoria 2004 * Teresa 2005 * Katherine 2012)

When I first got the jar my Dad gave me my first $dollar$ to put in it...so Mom thought she should give Kathy her first $$
This is family valued re-gifting ♥

Rantings

"Just who am I and what makes me truly happy?"

This thought came through my head the other day, and I was at a loss to really answer it. That kinda scared me. In a matter of months I will of been on this earth for thirty years. That's three decades and I still wasn't sure who I was?
I think I lost a big part of myself, in my marriage and I don't know how to find it again. I let my marriage define everything that I was and I completely lost who I was in it. So when I lost it, I felt like I lost everything, I lost me.
I have noticed I hum tunes for no reason again. Something I hadn't done in years and had completely forgot I did when I was happy. That is something I found and got back. But what do I want to do the rest of my life? I know the basics, like, I still want the joy of having babies, and to be happily married. Though the thought of being married does scare me. I am more hesitant then ever with marriage now. Even seeing friends and family marry, outwardly I am happy for them. Inside I am cringing for them, wondering when 'he' will leave 'them'. I hate admitting that, it's a horrible thing to think. But after all I have been through and all of the promises that were broken to me, that is the kind of crazy thoughts that run through my head. I need to change that way of thinking, but I just don't know how.
I feel like I have to start my entire life over from scratch. I need a career, but in what? I don't even know what I like anymore. I need a home of my own, but the thought of doing that right now is just overwhelming, with a big lack of money and my car in disrepair. I find myself getting more depressed and I feel stuck and though I am surrounded by loving family. I feel completely isolated. No one close to me knows what I am going through. No one really knows the entire story of what I had gone through. I put on a happy face, but inside I feel shattered. Broken in so many pieces I don't know if I even know how to put myself back together. I don't think I have ever felt so lost in my life.
This divorce still isn't over and I want it to be. But I am at a loss to find the courage to just go get the papers. In this state you have to wait a year anyways. And in that year that I was waiting...I felt like I was able to move past things, move past the anger and some of the hurt. And now it just feels like it is being brought all back up again with the impending thoughts that I have to go face this all head on again. I have to face this all over again, just to have it over and done with.
Then that idiotic question...why me? Keeps coming back up. Why did I have to go through this? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve this? I feel like I haven't a single answer for anything. I don't even trust my own judgement anymore. Yes I left a horrible situation, but what is it that I do now? Yes, I 'start my life over'...but how? That is something I am gonna have to answer myself, in baby steps...right now I feel like I am just wondering around until I stumble upon it, no real direction ...and lost without a map.

Friday Fill-Ins 30

I know I haven't done one of these in awhile, time for another Friday Fill-Ins:

1. So many of us don't stop to see what wonder there is, in all the little things.

2. It's important to still be able to laugh, even in hardship.

3. Those who are accepting of others, first have to accept themselves.

4. She is waiting quietly.

5. Light is in both the beginning and the end.

6. The best of all that is ordinary.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watchin' me some Indiana Jones, tomorrow my plans include not much of anything, just trying to destress and Sunday, I want to hopefully watch the Jets lose! Though I don't want the Steelers to win either, that's a pickle!

Someones In The Kitchen...

Some of you have heard some of the rumors going around about my cooking. I've really been into trying new recipes and all sorts of different foods for the past few months. Having willing guinea pigs has helped boost my confidence in the kitchen. As well as trying to introduce my taste buds to some new things. One awesome lil' helper is allrecipes.com. Whenever I wanna try something new I simply search on there, and with all the emails they send me about new recipes, I am never at a loss for something new to cook. The fact that I can go through my emails and pick and choose what I think might be good and add them to my online recipe box is simply fantastic! Full of comments and helpful tidbits of information from other kitchen do-gooders really helps too. I am simply in love with that site.

I also recently acquired, thanks to Aunt Karen (aka Santa), the new 'Best New England Recipes' Book from Yankee Magazine. Full of 150+ recipes, its the 75th anniversary collection of the best New England recipes...already having tried two recipes so far, I can't wait to try more! The meatloaf and yankee pot roast recipes were delish! It has everything from breakfast to desserts. After 'borrowing' Beepa's original copy, it was decided I needed my own copy, hehe, leaving me to finally return Beepa's back to her. ☺

I started such a collection of printed out recipes that I now have an entire 3 ring binder full of great go-to recipes. I am willing to try most anything now. I have conquered over bread too, which I was mighty proud of, since yeast used to intimidate me.

The real challenge has been making most everything I make lactose and gluten-free. Though I have surprisingly had little trouble with it. Just trying to watch what goes in, and substituting soy milk and gluten-free flour whenever possible.

Cooking and baking has, for one reason or another, become much more fun for me. Not to mention its just healthier, less sodium and preservatives and all that jazz. I can't wait to taste what I get to cook next. ☺

Puppy Love

Last week my Aunt Karen and Uncle Connie stopped in for a quick visit while en route to Florida. They brought along their new little bundle of joy...a lil' Yorkie puppy, named CJ. Cutest little thing you've ever seen.☺ Everyone had to check him out....

...Toby didn't quite know what to do with him...CJ was following him everywhere...


Had alot of fun with everyone. Can't wait 'til they all visit us again! ♥

Christmas 2010

We started off our Christmas with a toast (with what else, but mimosas) to the newly engaged couple! Then it was down to business, presents!
Kaki ♥'s her snowman!
...and Cortney liked her snowflake covered gourd...
Dad, our designated 'present-passer-outer' ☺

Beepa and her Santa!
...and Mom opened up hers too!

This would be the painting I got from Cortney (painted by hers-truly)
...white birches, lil' bit of NH gets to hang on my wall. ☺

I had a wonderful Christmas. I say it time and time again, but I am so thankful for my family. We have good times and we have our bad, but I honestly don't know where I would be without each and every one of them.

So thank you, not only for the presents, but for being there for me and being just who you are.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ♥

Merry Christmas To All

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas Crafties

Got a lil' more crafty with Christmas this year...painted some ornaments...

...some with crackle finish...




...then got a lil' crazy with the gourd painting ☺

(every snowflake on this one is different)

...and I finally got the guts to try out some Santa's.

Christmas Yummys

We are doing a cookie swap this year on Christmas..and I chose wedding cake cookies (made gluten-free)...they are soooo addicting, just ask everyone that has tried one (it's pretty near impossible to keep it to just one) ;-) ♥

Christmas Cookies ♥

This year us girls went over to help Beepa make her famous Christmas Cookies. We cranked up the Christmas music and began...

(Cortney helping Kathy keep count of how many cups of flour she had measured so far.) We made two batches and had two 'cookie makin' stations'...Kathy was designated to one...
...and I to another...

"I'm ready to go in the oven."
Cookie rotatin' ☺

Toby was a great lil' helper, he stayed outta the way for the most part and we never had to sweep anything up that we dropped. He is my own personal vacuum. ☺
"Now I'm ready for frosting..and a lil' sprinkles."
Our 'frosting and sprinkle station'...
We tricked Dad into coming over under false pretences...a certain someone said something sprung a leak and we needed him over asap! So he of course came over promptly with his tools...
...he wasn't too impressed when he realized we only tried to get him over to help frost the cookies (something he always tried to get out of doing as a kid.) Needless to say, he soon ran away with his tools in hand, hehe.
...Cort was left to frost most of the cookies, since the rest of us were busy making more for her to frost. ☺
We covered the surface of every counter with cookies...yup there is more on the other side of the sink...
...and the oven...

...also made gluten-free cookies this year...

cookies, cookies, everywhere ☺

Yum!

Getting Ready For Christmas!

We are getting all geared up for Christmas...decorations are all up, stockings are all hung, and we finally got the tree decorated. However upon putting most of the ornaments up we noticed the tree was quite crooked, so, we fixed it. ☺ (Let it be duly noted that it's not my keister under there, I was designated as tree holder upper, hehe)

Took a minute to decorate Toby too. Though he looks like he is more ready for mardi gras then Christmas...

Tada, the Christmas tree in all is splendor...and now it's straight! ☺

Christmas is absolutely my favorite holiday! ♥