He's My Favorite

So one of my BIG gifts for turning the BIG 3-0 took a bit to get here. It came all the way from Shanghai!! It was kept super secret, and now I know why...I FREAKIN' LOVE IT!!!!!!

I got a jersey from one of my ALL time favorite players, Tedy Bruschi from the New England Patriots!!!

Pictures don't do it justice...I was shocked at all the embroidery on this thing! I couldn't wait to get it on!

It may seem insignificant to some, but to me, it means alot!! I ♥ it!! Thank you Kathy, Mom & Dad for finding it!!

Best birthday in a long time ☺

30!

Holy guacamole, I am 30!?? How did that happen...ok ok, I know how it happened...I just can't believe I've been around for so long. I hear alot of "30 is the new 20". Course, that's all the 30-somethings saying that, since they don't want to feel old...haha. But really, I was completely dreading moving out of my 20's. Though I have some white hairs to give my age away, I don't really feel like I am 30. I do feel a smidgen wiser, and slightly more mature, but just a teeny bit. ☺

What really brought me around though was what happened on Monday, the car accident changed how I looked at alot of stuff. Stupid squabbles, and ages....when I kept saying "I don't wanna be 30!" I hadn't meant that I wanted to not be around before then! So when Thursday rolled around I was more then happy to have my birthday and become another year older. Wave goodbye to my 20's and all that happened in them. I learned alot, I am more humble and so much more grateful for all that I do have. Though I have gone through struggles and some rough times, things in my life could be so much worse. I am safe, have a roof over my head, I am surrounded by loving family, and have all my immediate needs met. Along with my pets...I am truly blessed. So here is to 30 and all that it brings! I am ready to start anew. ☺

...That's Why They Call Them Accidents

Without trying to sound all dramatic, this past week has been, life changing. A few days ago, Beepa and I were out and about going to places like the bookstore and department stores.

Then while going down the wrong road at the wrong time, we came to an intersection.

We were hit by a large pick-up truck. Eye witnesses said our car spun, and we then hit another car head on. I don't remember all that much, just flashes of what happened, and then us trying to clamor out of the car afterwards. Trying to wrap our heads around what had just happened.

Luckily, and by the grace of God, no one was seriously hurt. The drivers in the other vehicles were just fine, and Beepa and I were able to walk away, with no more then small cuts and bruises on our legs and arms. I received a burn from the airbags and we were certainly feeling the muscle aches and pains the next day. I am SO so thankful that was all that happened. Thank you seat belts, thank you airbags, and most of all Thank you God! I haven't taken what happened lightly. I may have even been beating myself up a little too much, since I was the one driving. But I can say, I have never been so grateful in all my life. I am going to be taking on driving again, very slowly.

Mini Meltdown

I have heard about "how strong I am" for leaving a certain situation. Hearing that just makes me feel like a fraud. I may give off the facade of being brave, it's really just a brave face. It's a mask, because shortly after I am the one crying behind closed doors. All so that no one knows how I am really coping. I do the best that I can, but sometimes I feel like it's not good enough. I feel my role as the eldest, as the example, as the "role model" was botched.

I am about to turn 30 very soon, too soon. I am not dealing with that very well at all. This is not where I wanted to be in my life when I hit that milestone. I keep trying to tell myself this is the point, this is when things will really turn around and I can gain my life back. The way I wanted it. I am thankful for all that I do have, don't think me wrong on that point. But there are just days when all that has happened overwhelms and envelopes me...thankfully they are less frequent. Most days I am okay, others I just fake it 'til I am okay. I can't wait until such a time comes, and they are just ghosts of my past.

My Pup

3 years ago today, I drove to the middle of no-where...after answering an ad on craigslist and some back and forth emails about an adorable 'lil dog.

Toby has literally followed me everyday since then.

Though I will admit, not even a week after getting him I was asking myself "Why, oh, why, did I get a dog?!". Emergency visits to the vet (was one sick pup when I got him), anxious and afraid of everything (he was abused by a previous owner), not housebroken, problematic back legs (was kept in a crate by someone for far too long),

he was shedding like a beast, and had no manners what-so-ever. I felt like I bit off way more then I could chew.

But after lots of vet visits, many many walks to get his legs better, and an abundance of re-training...I don't ask myself why I got him anymore. I love him to pieces. I know he is "just a dog" but they give out the most unconditional love and ask nothing in return. He has been with me through some of my worst stuff. And I feel lucky everyday that I have my lil' shadow ♥

Investigatin'

Toby...trying to figure out if that there is a rock?? or a turtle??

It's another eastern box turtle ☺

Nothing Like Homemade

Fresh out of my mom's garden was a bunch of tomatoes...what to do with so 'em...?? I made homemade salsa, was a first...and I must say, very yummy! ☺

Today

♥ ♥ ♥

Tubing Down The River

After some quick planning, we all decided to go tubing! As it turned out, just us (Mom, Dad, Kathy, Cort, and myself) were able to go. We packed a lunch, stuck the cooler in it's own floaty, and down the river we went.
And, I have to say thank goodness for sunblock!! 50 SPF really did the trick, cuz after 3+ hours on the water I would of looked like a lobster. (You can see how well we "reflect" hehe)
It was somewhat relaxing, but mostly comical, as we all tried to avoid rocks and the occasional log. Anytime you heard someone yell "rock" or saw a ripple in the water, you immediately had to paddle to avoid it, or lift your bum up. Otherwise you were gonna get grazed.

Had lots of fun and hope to do it again. ☺ (Mom would be the camera operator, hence her absense in the photo)

Happy Father's Day to the best father I know...I am lucky enough to get to call him Dad! ♥

Nasty Weather

Just last week, we had some nasty storms roll through. With it came lots of rain, wind and even hail! It pulverized most of the gardens...

Couldn't Of Said It Better Myself

Now I hardly watch TV. But we have been dvr'ing the new series on OWN, "Why Not? with Shania Twain". My family and I have always been huge fans of her. Watching this reality show, and watching her try to figure out and heal from her divorce, it has actually helped me alot!!
And she could not of put how I feel lately any better ☺

♥ ♥ ♥

My Awkward New Best Friend

With chronic sinus trouble I've tried it all. Every over the counter medicine you can think of. An at home remedy/recipe from my doctor, a saline solution I, myself could mix up and had to snort up my nose. I was told years ago to try a neti pot. After seeing people pour the water mixture through one nostril and watch it trickle out the other, frankly it freaked me out. Then I just plum forgot about it. But just recently I got my own neti pot and I have only used it twice, and my constant sinus pressure and need for medicine had decreased dramatically, to little or none!! So my awkwardly used little neti pot, you just became my new best friend! ☺

Step 4...

Today I took another huge step. I gathered up all I had in me, and I finally filed for divorce. This is only the first step in what will be a long process, and there were lots of bumps to get to this road. But I finally started walking down that path and can't wait to start running down it!
I feel relieved and I also feel sad. I knew this was coming, it had to be done, and I wanted it done. But that sense of finalization comes rearing its ugly head. The unwanted emotions from before come back and settle in. That sense of failure comes back and the knowledge that I will no longer be a Mrs., but I will be known as a Ms. I don't get to go back to Miss. I feel like there will be a 'scarlet letter' before my name. I feel marked.
I just have to constantly remind myself...though he may get to continue to be a Mr. and no one is the wiser. He won't be 'marked' for what he did (though I think it should be tattooed on his forehead). I will try and remember that I earned my 'mark', I earned Ms.
I just hope the rest of this process is quick and painless.

The Gardens

I seem to go every year..so this year is no exception. Sarah P. Duke Gardens is still changing and is as beautiful as ever. They just constructed a new fountain in the middle of what was, a circle of roses.

This time however was Aunt Elaine's first visit.

The terrace gardens are still my favorite.

Loved these!

Kathy and I.

Aunt Elaine, Kathy and I.

Beepa, Kathy and I...phrase for the day "UP your NOSE!"

Had lots of fun ♥

More At The NC Zoo

We just recently made another trip to the NC Zoo. This time around the weather was much cooler. Of course the last time I went was in the month of August, eek! First thing those two wanted to do when we arrived, ride the merry-go-round! ☺

I took over 200 photos, I go a lil' crazy knowing I have a digital camera and an almost endless amount of pictures I can take. I tried not to post too many repeats from my last zoo post.

Funny lil' flamingo fellow...

Baboons...grooming ☺
...and hangin' out.

The zoo had some visitors (only April-October). A couple albino crocodiles!

Ostrich

Rhinos!

More elephants

Super cute giraffes

Got some pics of the chimps this time!

They were going bananas..no pun intended.

And in the mix was the new baby chimp and her adopted mommy! She was adorable, she was born August 2010.

Got some good pics of the gorillas...and this "little" lady is expecting!

She is just a few months along, the zoo is all excited, this will only be the second baby gorilla born at the NC Zoo. The last was 20 years ago!

Mr. Gorilla

He was munchin' on a cucumber ☺

Bison

More of the bobcats

Harbor seals were having fun...

Water dancin'

Alligator

Hurray, I got pictures of the cougars!!

Funny how they aren't really any different from my kitties at home. Except for one little thing, they could eat me if they wanted! ☺

Here kitty kitty!

Had SO much fun!!